I was at the park with my son this afternoon.  It was a wonderful afternoon of reading, watching him sleep, hiking around, watching wildlife, playing ball, meeting people, enjoying the playground, feeling the wind on our faces, talking to puppies, and being together.  I really enjoyed it.  Both being with him and being outside. 

I wrote a short poem about it while I was there, watching him sleep.  It's posted under the title Breezy Sunday. 

I am grateful for this experience today. 

Breezy Sunday afternoon
     in the park
          with my boy

Hair wisping 
     eyes closed
          spirit soaring

A lovely day
                           cloudy
                                            cool
                                                          calm

I've always wondered what people would call me if they weren't exposed to my name first.  Would I have a cool Indian name like Whispers to the Wind, or Dances with Wolves?  Would people call me something like Petruchio or Romeo?  Would they refer to me simply as Friend, Teacher, or Seeker?  Would I get a title?  Pastor _____.  Or maybe Sir _____, or even Doctor ____.  Or could it be that they would call me Mark, John, Billy, or Dave? 

Now's my time to find out.  If you're reading this, and time and fancy allow, please be so kind as to give your suggestion based on what you can gather about me from my profile, blog, bookshelf, etc.  (Of course this will be easier once I've added more info to my profile.)  In order to make this event possible, I have refrained from listing my current name anywhere on my zaadz.  Please enjoy.  It will be great fun! 

Thank you. 

Emotion. 

I like to reason a lot, but it seems like when emotions kick up they often have a greater effect.  I believe both reason and emotion are valuable.  I'm working to increase my ability to temper emotion with reason - when that is "what works".  Sometimes "what works" is to let emotion lead.  Like all of life, it's about finding the balance where synergy between the systems is found. 

What an amazing film!  I saw this on Tuesday night and was completely touched by it.  The music is amazing, the cinematography beautiful, the story insightful and uplifting.  It was a truly inspirational experience.  It instantly made my Top 3 favorite movies of all time.  I don't know how it will speak to others, but to me it was a message straight to the heart, spirit, and soul. 

For those who haven't seen it, I would definitely recommend it.  The theater was nearly empty when I saw the movie, but I could hear others' tears as well.  And they joined me in clapping as the credits rolled.  To check it out, here's the imdb link:  http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0426931/

The music. 

Maybe that's too simple, but it's the simple truth.  I love Christmas music.  There's nothing like it.  Every song seems to touch my heart or raise my spirits.  In all honesty, sometimes the music takes me to a depressed/somber place.  Maybe that's part of the holidays.  Certain songs remind me of certain people - maybe people I don't get to see this year.  But it's still comforting somehow.  I cry.  I miss people.  But I love the whole experience. 

Maybe it's not about "keeping from feeling depressed".  Maybe it's about feeling depressed . . . and then feeling loved again.  Loved by God (the universe, all things, etc.).  Loved by myself (definitely need that reminder).  Or loved by the one I'm missing so badly (the song reminds me of how much they love me, too). 

I never try to avoid the loneliness, stressfulness, bleakness, or exhaustion.  It just seems like I don't remember them as much.  I feel all of those things every holiday season.  But it's not what I hold on to.  I hold on to the love, and I anxiously await every new holiday season because of it. 

Keep it simple.  Remain true.  Stay connected.  And enjoy every second of this wonderful time when love and giving are the sole focus of everyone. 

Touch.

I always want to touch things. 

I love looking at the ocean, but I can't help but want to go stand where the waves can crash against me.  I love watching the sunset, but it seems that I love it even more when the wind blows.  I love the sounds of birds and animals, but I'd love to hold them while the coo.  I love the taste of great foods, but I've always said, "It's not just the flavor, it's the texture, too."  That probably accounts for smell, too. 

Sometimes I judge myself for this attachment to touching things.  I think it's the basest of senses.  Even so, it truly is where I find the completion of an experience.  The smells, tastes, sights, and sounds are wonderful - I wouldn't trade them.  But I want to feel it, too. 

None as of yet.  Oddly enough, in recent years, I've spent more than my share of New Years sleeping through the all-important hour.  It's never been a big holiday for me.  Perhaps I should address that.  Would embracing it as a time of renewal and conscious change allow me a much-needed vehicle for personal growth?  Perhaps.  Maybe this year will be the year . . . .   

Nowhere right now. 

I've always been somewhat of a chameleon - able to adapt to any group of people or set of circumstances.  So in a way I felt like I belonged everywhere.  Lately I feel sort of lost.  The closest thing to belonging is when I go to a church I've been attending sporadically.  I enjoy singing the modern Christian songs (a band plays the music).  Even there I don't really "belong", though.  I don't believe a lot of what they do.  And if they knew that would I be an outcast?  So I just go and sing and forget that they might not want me there.  I say hello to a few people and then go home. 

I really want to belong somewhere.  But maybe I'm too attached to that idea?  Or maybe that's why I've joined Zaadz?